Sunday, January 2, 2011

The Fear

Fear, is a thought that frighten the minds. A thought that make the mind to imagine something that wasn’t even there. A horror made of nothing. A thought that made the strongest man stumbled shaking his knee. Everyone has something to fear, for everyone is scared of something. Some people are scared of high places, some people are scared to die and some people are scared of living. Everyone has something to fear and so do I. but my fear was not the same as any ordinary man. I do not fear death, I enjoyed living and I loved the sensation between life and death. For I feared nothing and that is my fear.

Through the seven seas and through the seven continent of the world I ventured in search of my one and absolute fear. In every different place I go and every different faces I met showed me their fear. But I still felt nothing. Every single fears and horrors that could make a man frighten to his death I have tried. Every stories and places of unimagined horror I have heard and gone to. Every war and every kind of death I have seen. Still my heart doesn’t ache by these things. I felt empty.

I travel the world in search of my fear. But then I realized, what is ‘fear’ really meant? For I never had anything to fear, how can I know fear. I questioned myself. To know fear is to understand fear. So with the search continued, I carry on also with a question hoping to find its answer. I asked everyone whom I met in my travels, what is fear? But none of them could give the perfect answer to my question. No one knew what fear is but why they are still scared of it. They know there’s nothing in the shadow but why is man still scared of the unseen?

Finally almost half of my life spent on the fruitless search of fear and the answer to my question, I stumbled in a remote village far on the outskirt of the world. All my travel had taken a toll in my body. I was left very tired and very much old then when I started this journey. I thought to myself that it is useless for me to continue anymore. I will end my life here waiting for death to crawl into me.

It was longer than I had expected. I’m still alive. I’m frail and old but I’m still alive. I wait and wait for death, but still it doesn’t come to me. I given up hope and in my heart I laughed. I was immortal. Even death feared me. Shouting to the air to nothing I mocked the god. Cursed word comes out from my mouth. I shouted until I was out of breath. Gasping for air I stumbled to my knees. But suddenly a boy came out from nowhere. His skin was blacker than anything I had ever seen in my life. I can’t see if he was wearing anything.  But all I can see on his body was blackness. His eye was jet black and he looked straight at me. “Hello” I said to him. And in the effort of mockery to him or to my own life I supposed, I asked him the question that I had carried throughout my life. What is fear? The boy was silent for a moment and then he said;

“Fear is you. Fear is the world. Fear is the life you had wasted. Fear the god who had created you for you will receive the life of eternal in his grasp. Eternal torment of the fear you seek”

All my life I have been searching for fear. And know I have found it. It wasn’t what I had expected. But it was the truth. I had wasted my life for the most worthless things. And now I feared I haven’t the time to redeem my self for my time is up. The boy was death in disguise. I tasted the fear and I didn’t like it at all….the end.     

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